My Motivation

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I admit it…I’ve been watching this season of the Biggest Loser and I’m pissed! [Uh…but Danii… that’s Amy Lee in the picture not a contestant from TBL! I’ll get to her, I swear] It really pisses me off when they do their little vignettes at the beginning of each season and they talk about why they need/want to lose weight. Don’t get me wrong, I respect their courage to put themselves on a national television show where they must know that people will be watching them, judging them and criticising them; however it makes me FURIOUS that some of these contestants say that they are only there to “support” their father/mother/sister/brother whoever. No! You should be changing your life because YOU want to, because YOU need your life to be different.

Your life needs to yours. If you aren’t happy with your life, change it. If you hate your job, stop making excuses and change it. Go back to school, send out resumes…do whatever needs to be done. If you’re not happy in your relationship, fight to fix it. If that’s not possible then know when it’s time to walk away. The same goes for losing weight and getting fitter.

Anyway, my point is (in case you haven’t realised, I tend to get a little bit distracted) that your motivation has to be internal not external. What motivates me? To be honest my original motivation was similar to TBL contestants that annoy me so much now…

  1. I thought that I would be more attractive to my partner
  2. It would solve ALL of my life problems
  3. I would magically gain confidence and love everything about myself

* Note – there is nothing in there about being healthy and fit? Right…because that would just be a cool side effect.

It’s now two and a half years since I first started dropping the weight and over that period of time my motivation has changed dramatically. I realise that I will never, old issues and all, look into the mirror and miraculously be 100% satisfied with what I see. I wanted to achieve a weight within the healthy range for my height and age, I wanted to have a BMI that’s healthy and I wanted to be able to pose for a photo without being absolutely terrified at the pictures I would see. I wanted to be able to look into the eyes of that girl in a photograph and see confidence and happiness shining through. Someone who is happy with themselves.

I have managed to finally achieve the first two things in the last few weeks: my weight is in a healthy range  and my BMI is 26 on the dot. I still don’t particularly love having my picture taken, but as long as I get to review them afterwards I don’t hide from the lens in fear…as much. I haven’t managed to see that confident girl yet…but I think she’s finally starting to emerge.

A lot of people have a celebrity or someone they look up to…someone they think has a great body or whatever…my inspiration is a little different. I have a celebrity I admire; I admire her because she is purely herself. When I see a picture of her, it’s right there in her eyes, that look that says ‘this is me…this is my body…this is my life…’ and I want that look. I want it so badly I can almost taste it. I want to smile at my reflection in the mirror and walk out of my front door satisfied with who I am. To walk into work, or the gym, or the shops, to have a night out in town with my friends and not spend the entire time worrying about how I look…are there fat rolls over top of my jeans? Are my arms too flabby to wear this? I want that look. I am going to get it. It’s mine.

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